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Monday, January 5, 2009

Ryan's Worst Movies of 2008

I am Ryan Michaels, a 12-year-old movie fanatic who loves writing reviews as much as watching movies. Below is my take on on the Worst Movies of 2008.

Although my reviews are mostly positive (what can I say, I like movies!), there are always movies every year that are awful. Or bad. Or face-meltingly, heartbreakingly bad. For example, even though I gave Speed Racer a "F", I saw it a second time and deemed it a "so-awful-it's-good" classic.

5. While Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon seems like a good idea on paper, "Four Christmases" is by no means good, or entertaining, or even watchable. It's tasteless, poorly-written garbage that couldn't be less in the holiday spirit. Seeing Vince Vaughn play Moses in a play is priceless. A two-minute jewel, stuck in a 90-minute piece of garbage.

4. A remake of a movie no one even liked, "Prom Night" was awful even by horror-remake standards.

3. Even by the low expectations I had for it, I don't think there was a more preachy or unfunny movie this year other than "First Sunday." From its incredibly annoying product placement (Look! A PSP in a Sony-produced movie) to its flat performance from Ice Cube. "First Sunday" was flat-out dumb.

2."Camp Rock" makes High School Musical 3 look like The Godfather in comparison. The leads are charming but undeniably wooden. It's corny from the very first second, where Demi Lovato literally sings about getting out of bed. I nearly broke into tears when my sister got it for her birthday.

1. The most awful, wince-inducing bad movie of the year is undeniably "The Love Guru." I love Mike Myers and hoped it would succeed. But then I saw it. When Justin Timberlake is more funny than Mike Myers in a movie, you know than Myers is falling flat. After almost every joke, he literally smiles at the camera for five seconds on end. And the end with the elephants? Please. It's horribly directed by a complete newcomer, Marco Schnabel. After seeing "The Love Guru," you literally don't want to watch a movie for a long time.

Dishonorable Mentions:
- Saw V
- Get Smart: Bruce and Lloyd Out of Control
- Semi-Pro
- The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
- Hancock (well, the last 45 minutes)

My list of my favorites of 2008 are coming soon. Until then, find a copy of "The Love Guru." It's probably already in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart. Do me, and you, and humankind a favor: Burn it.

Film critic Ryan Michaels, a student at Emerson School in Ann Arbor and winner of a journalism award in the 2008 Michigan Press Association Better Newspaper Contest for his reviews, can be reached through

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